Long Time No See.

Ahh, I haven't posted in a very very long time no? Let's see, 9/8!! More than a month!, *gasps*! I have absolutely no excuse, other than avoiding blogger, I shall just admit that i have been putting blogger off. All my commitments crumble quickly, that's what I really hate about myself. I'm not a long-term kind of person, T_T *cries* life is long-term, so how am I gonna survive?? Oh well, God'll help.

I haven't seen DaJie in a very long time (not counting the last time I saw her) and during that rather long time, I kinda felt like writing the vague-ish post, haha. Well, it's really sad when you were once this (pinches fingers together) close to a person and suddenly it's (ok, not suddenly) after a long while, you realise that you don't have the same level of chemistry anymore. She said she was always the one talking. I know that too, but I really don't think of anything much but you when I'm around you (This applies to almost everybody I talk to).

I don't know why, but I think I feel more comfortable around talkative people. Is it in my nature to just want to be the listener? I'm not one to sustain conversation, I can't hold witty dialogues for long, some people are just so much better at eloquence than me. Whenever I start to say my point in a debate, I start stammering a bit, I can't understand why. If I'm to read a speech out in front of people (even if I know them well) I need to be behind a mask, take on that character's persona, to feel at ease. Maybe I'm just better at roleplay than at public speaking. But what's the difference? To stand on stage with somebody else's character, compared to standing on stage with your own character, it's still standing on stage, no?

Perhaps it's just the standing on the stage part. I know I'd much rather be sitting in the audience, and the spotlight glaring on someone else. I'd much rather train the spotlight on someone else, than to let it stalk me across the stage. I'd much rather be backstage, part of the excitement, yet inconspicuosly unseen. I'd rather be there, yet not be there at the same time. To be, but not to be seen.

Perhaps that is just one of me.